People actually don’t believe me that I have introvert tendencies but it is absolutely the truth.
I have certain situations that I am super comfortable in and happy for people to see me and I am even comfortable doing the whole interacting thing but this is not my truth always.
If I know the group of people I am with at a social event – I am right as rain (mostly). But if the group are strangers – and I am expected to interact – anxiety, right there!
I don’t like shopping centres – too many humans – too much energy flying around – and someone MAY want to talk to me!
I used to be terrified to do video online and livestreaming? FORGEDABOUTIT! I would practise my videos – I even downloaded an autoprompter app on my iPad and I would READ the whole thing out. My hands would shake and I would spend the whole entire day swinging between talking myself out of it and then talking myself into it.
I used to be so terrified of speaking at my workshops and masterclasses too – the same story would play out. It was ALL scripted to within an inch of its life and if anyone threw me an unscripted question!?? I would dissolve!
I love love love big fat chunks of alone time. In fact, sometimes I can happily hide away in my cave for days and days and days without a care in the world OR any desire to go out and human.
So how can a Visibility Mentor who LOUDLY advocates for showing up as yourself daily online be this introverted and still get it done?
Some of it is practise – just keeping on doing the thing until it feels not so hard.
Some of it faking it until I was making it – pretending to be ok with showing up and doing the videos and selfies and things.
A lot of it was changing negative self beliefs and conditioning by doing the inner work. By diving deep and discovering the WHY I was the way that I was. Is this ‘thing’ that is holding me back just my makeup? Is it conditioning from my childhood? Is it something I have to live with?
Pages and pages and pages of journaling – courses and expensive trainings. Lots of tears and even more tantrums…and it continues – daily – every day.
Resoundingly the conclusion that I came to over and over again is that I can retrain myself to be whoever the fuck I want to be. I don’t ACTUALLY have to be the person that is the result of all my years of experience and conditioning. I don’t ACTUALLY have to be today the person that I default to. The person that others expect me to be.
I can CHOOSE and actually fully step into AND believe in the person that I want to be today.
And it was that BIG realisation that has made me able to do the work that I do so easily now. It is THAT fact that means I can relate to my clients who are as terrified as I was years ago.